We came across a witty and delightful farmer from Devon who was also a competitive sprinter and a

We came across a witty and delightful farmer from Devon, who was also a competitive sprinter and a PhD. She was bruised yellow and purple from recent struggles with a recalcitrant sow - she didn't say it was a Middle White, but that was the impression we got. Her scarred, battered and archaeologically filthy hands were the stuff of a manicurist's nightmares, yet they were transformed until they could have graced an idle duchess And there is a real duchess who stays there every summer. Discretion prevented the staff from identifying who she is, but apparently she and her lord get fed up with visitors trundling round the stately pile and regularly retire to Cedar Falls for a private month or two, where they can sit in their room to watch EastEnders, unobserved.Despite these differences in background, a fine sense of togetherness develops - a wartime mentality, really, in which the common enemy is no longer obesity but those twin, millennial adversaries: stress and impurity. To attack the former, visit the natural therapy centre, where you can have manual lymphatic drainage, shiatsu, reiki, hypnotherapy - even daft things like iridology.

I settled for deliciously soothing aromatherapy while my daughter had a holistic therapeutic massage. This was a bit of a failure: she felt insufficiently unsettled and spent the next day neurotically avoiding the ultra-caring masseuse. She did better in the beauty salon, whence she emerged cleansed and purified, with newly refined eyebrows, while I foolishly endured a body therm wrap, which combined "warm and cold envelopments" in seaweed: still, no toxin could survive that.The trouble is, you want to try everything; if you hare about from super- cathiodermie facial to applied kinesiology to manicure to aqua-aerobics, you could well end up feeling as if scented impurities are bursting from every stressed pore. On Saturday, I swam before the 7.45am yoga class: I had left myself with no further opportunities.But it is all tremendously enjoyable At some establishments, designer leisure-wear is de rigueur. You daren't leave your room at Champneys, I was told, without gold jewellery and matching robe and slippers.

At Forest Mere, according to a recent television series, you could find yourself embarrassingly naked in a mud-bath with the opposite sex. (That might not be an entirely fair assessment, but the mud sticks.) At Cedar Falls, however, the atmosphere is so laid back that, to use a cliche that is scarcely a metaphor, you're permanently horizontal. People arrive for dinner in shabby old dressing-gowns or unappealing leggings and if you sport even a pair of earrings, someone will say - with a hint of disapproval - "My, don't you look smart!".As we set off for home, through glorious golden Somerset, we realised that it had done us a power of good. I'd learned the techniques of Indian head massage and was longing to try it on anyone who'd agree to sit still for a minute. My daughter, meanwhile, had turned delicately toast coloured and managed to renounce smoking. And, miraculously in view of the scrumptious food, we'd put on barely half a stone. Each.FACT FILEhealth farmGet a makeoverCedar Falls (tel: 01823 433338) is running special pre- and post-Christmas promotions.

Prices for December 1998 and January 1999 range from pounds 65 to pounds 90 per person per night, based on two people sharing for a minimum two- night stay Single rooms cost pounds 10 extra. Your stay includes all meals, from dinner on day of arrival to breakfast on day of departure, unlimited use of facilities and pounds 18 worth of beauty treatments.. WHAT MORE fascinating introduction to the delights of global travel could there be than a Miss World pageant? Just for starters, take a look at the miraculous little country that is trying to adopt the event as its very own. The Seychelles, which has played host for the past two years, is the only country I know that looks like a figment of the imagination of an advertising executive or movie director. The flawless white beaches really are overhung by strategically located palm trees and it is hard to believe that those curvaceous lumps of pink granite were not bolted on last year by a Miss World pageant set designer. Interestingly, the contestant from the Seychelles actually won a prize in last week's contest - that of "Miss Personality"- though one suspects that home advantage may have been a factor, especially given that the entire population of the Seychelles (all 70,000 of them) look like extras who have been drafted in to lend the contest greater realism.Anyway, we all remember what happened the last time they tried to hold the competition in a country other than the Seychelles. Two years ago the threat of holding the contest in Bangalore, India, provoked violent demonstrations.

The contest moved to the Seychelles, and I suggest it stays there.What about the results? Last week's event saw no fewer than 86 entrants which represents a fair smattering of the 200-odd countries and dependent territories in the world.It may not be as popular as the World Cup, which has well over a hundred participants but, then again, there are some footballing countries whose women you would not really expect to see playing frisbee or baseball on the beach - Saudi Arabia and Iran for example (though the idea of women presenting their talents from behind a discreet veil could have a future - after all, the competition is supposed to be about brains not looks these days). Anyway, the fact that Miss Israel won the event this time is unlikely to promote an explosion of interest in beauty contests in Riyadh or Tehran.But while some countries are turning their backs on the event, others are on fire about it. In Venezuela, I am told, the entire nation comes to a standstill on pageant days. This Latin American obsession with beauty contests was reflected in the results of last week's contest, with Peru, Chile and Brazil all being placed in the top ten. Certainly my own recollection of Brazil is that this was a country where girls were encouraged to dress like miniature beauty queen contestants from pre-school age.Of all the European entrants, Miss France did best - but still only managed second place.